Dreams are from the subconscious mind.

So, why do I awake with a pain in my chest.

It's the memories of you translated through dreams

& the pain was the only thing you left.

I can't differentiate between the happiness of having you

& the pain of losing you.

So when they ask how I feel,

I say it's a sensation of nothingness,

An emptiness,

A lifeless soul,

A lost faith,

A broken heart.

I feel betrayed by fate, both yours and mine.

I feel punished by time.

meh

Maybe I wasn't enough,
Or maybe I was just too much.
Even if I knew, I couldn't be any less
Or any more,
Than a girl that loved, sacrificed,
Cared and adored.
I can only be myself,
And that self
Loved you so selflessly.

Maybe my fingers just didn't fit
The gaps between yours
Maybe my head just didn't rest
On your chest so perfectly
I'll never know because I only dreamt.
Maybe it was my fault alone,
For dreaming an impossible dream.
Maybe it was my fault for believing
In an impossible love.

Heartache

If you were stabbed in your arm, you would feel the pain.
If you were shot in the leg, you would feel the pain.
When any part of your body is hurt, you feel the pain.
So when my heart aches for you,
Surely you feel my pain.
Your arm nor leg have your name on it,
But you still know they are yours.
My heart has your name all over it,
So why don't you recognise it as yours.
Like a child you helped to conceive
You cannot deny it, its right
Just as the heart you taught to love
Please don't deny it its right
It doesn't wish to be anyone else's but yours
Like a flower bud that needs water to blossom
My heart needs your love to stay alive
I'm not saying I'll die without you
But without you, my heart will turn as cold as night

Words that you understand despite the absence of sound
Unspoken words you may say
But words unsaid do not mean emotions unexpressed
Surely you heard it in the rhymic movement of my heart valves
Or read it through my eyes which looked at you with longing
I longed so much to speak the unspoken
but fear of the inevitable held me back every moment
Could you not hear it in every pause in a sentence
As if I said something without saying anything
Did u not see my smile everytime you would smile
Or feel my pain everytime you were in pain
Did you not feel the connection of our souls the way that I did
How could your soul touch mine without you being aware of it
You say you never knew
But before speaking
I had already spoken volumes to you

Searching for love

He met this girl, who seemed to have it all – caring, loving and pretty

They soon started dating; and things began to develop fairly quickly

Although he always searched for love, this just hit him by surprise

They spent hours talking and went for long walks outside

He’d kiss his girlfriend goodbye before they would depart every night

And when his mother would kiss him he’d move away in a flight

Strange how that the love he had searched for in a stranger

Would never compare to the love of his mother

But he’d still push her away and she’d continue to care for him

love him, forgive him and wish the best for him

He’d come home late at night and like usual his mother would be up waiting

Her spirit would lift and her face would brighten the moment she’d hear him entering

He and his girlfriend would go out to the cinema and for nice meals

He’d hand his mother a bit of cash “here mum, use this to the pay the bills”

As if she bore him in her womb those 9 months for a bit of money

She never asked for anything, but at times this widow longed for her sons company

You’d often hear him speaking to his girlfriend, with a gentle tone

But shouting and swearing at his mother was something to which he was prone

From the moment he was born she would do anything to protect him

For his happiness she’d be willing to sacrifice her own limbs

And there he was, trying to get away from her at any opportunity

He thought his girlfriend was beautiful but failed to see his mother’s beauty

Beautiful is maternal love that it is forever-eternal

But how very sad is the Childs love for his mother that it is somewhat conditional

Like usual, he came home late one night and found his mother on the sofa sleeping

“Mum go to bed” but she didn’t wake, so he nudged her but realised she wasn’t breathing

Pale faced, still-bodied laying there the same way she’d spent her last moments, alone.

She died that night whilst waiting for her son to come home

Strange is human nature that we take our blessings for granted

And only when it’s gone we realise all the wrong that we did

Whilst searching for love he forgot about his mother

Now, he spends his days searching for the love from his mother..

Because Of You.

I feel as though over the years my heart has changed shape.

Chipping away at my heart, my arteries and veins

have carved your name; it may sound insane

But why else would my heart favour you

over any other, so it must be true.

I refuse to believe I am in love

Indeed I am in deep attachment to you

I tell myself to get a grip and move on

From this childhood crush

But then I feel my blood rush

In a rage, defiantly

As if you have a control over me internally

At least I have my mind, right?

That you cannot control

I tell myself that anyway, because

You already have a hold on my soul

So I'll be the commander of my thoughts

And I’ll think about whatever I want

But I can't focus I can't sieve through my mind

Because my heart is too loud

I can’t focus when it is the only sound

My heart screams your name throughout my body

Distorting the functions of my organs

And they begin to chant along too

So I give in to the internal screams for a moment

And reminisce back to the days of innocence

To the conception of this sensuality

Back to when you were first introduced to me

As if with a simple hello

You planted a seed in my heart

Which grew with time and

Beckoned my soul towards you

To this point, where I am weak
Because of you.

Marriage

Like every other girl, I used to dream too

Of getting married

To my knight in shining armour

Arriving in our horse and carriage

But knights are only in fairytales

With happy ever afters

And those sort of endings don’t exist

Unless it’s in the hereafter

So I pray for a companion

A person that will be my best friend

Who believes in the creator

And knows that this world will surely end

Money, fast cars and big houses

These things dont mean anything to me

The reality of this world is temporal

And it’s only in religion that we’ll find stability

So he doesn’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer

I’d much rather he be a shepherd

Like our beloved Muhammad Mustafa

And love for the sake of Allah

Someone whos heart is beautiful

He will help complete half my deen

Someone who is loving and humble

Together we’ll strive for the life of the unseen

We’ll share a hunger for knowledge

He doesn’t have to be a graduate with a degree

Together we’ll indulge in worship

And build a relationship based on piety

Not an ounce of arrogance or pride

Every word gentle off his tongue

He’ll respect and honour the old

And be patient with the young

Showing kindness to others

Helping the needy and giving to charity

Praying salah and fasting in ramadhan

Will be his passion not only his duty

I don’t hope for perfection

I do not dream of a prince charming you see

Nor of a knight in shining armour

But rather someone with the same goal as me