A request from a friend's mother

To the second child my womb once held
You smiled at me and your dad with dimples in your rosy cheeks
Truly it made our hearts melt
As we kissed your little hands and feet.

As you looked at us with your big blue eyes
We promised we would always keep you safe
Tell you to dream beyond the skies
And teach you that Jannah is what you should chase

Because this life is temporary and like this life you were with us temporarily
From now on you are someone else's to look after
And as your parents today we have fulfilled our duty
By giving you away to a man of great character

To our once tiny delicate baby girl
I remember the day you were born
I cradled you in my arms my precious pearl
I held you close until light drew at dawn

You illuminated our home with your radiance
Filled our house with laughter and light
You've grown into a woman of grace and elegance
and we pray your future is forever bright

May you live a happy life with your spouse
And both strive together for the life of the unseen
in which Allah builds for you a house
And grants you all that of which you dream

To my second born beautiful daughter
Today you've become someone's dear wife
I pray he brings you joy and laughter
And together you live a wonderful life

I am proud to see the woman you have blossomed into
You are strong, loving and kind
Allah has chosen you for Imran and him for you.
And allowed your paths to bind

In this blessed matrimony
Written as a couple in the heavens above
You were meant for each other truly
To cherish, protect, honour and love.

To my daughter's now lawful husband
Protect her, forgive her and be her garment
Let your love towards her be unconditioned
And never sleep on an argument

Be patient and understanding
Take the time to listen to each other
Upon you may Allah's mercy  be abounding
And may you attain Jannah together

Today we have given you our precious child
Whom we have raised with love and care
She's been our rock through troubles and trials
And now her home is elsewhere

Match stick

It's a cold dark night.

You take out the matchbox and light a stick
As the flame burns it lights your path
You find your direction
You bring the flame closer and take in its warmth
Bringing light and warmth
The flame exhausts itself
Until suddenly it is gone.
She is gone.
And just like that you take out another matchstick from your box..

She exhausted herself

This is not how the story is supposed to go

This is not how the story is supposed to go
You were still supposed to be around
To see your children and grandchildren grow
You were supposed to grow old and grumpy
Moan about not being able to walk up the stairs
Because of your bad knees
You were supposed to start forgetting things
But continue to recall childhood memories
Of how you were mischievious and naughty
Of How you would bunk off school
And get chased around by my dad
We were supposed to sit and talk for hours
From current affairs to the blossoming flowers
And everyone was supposed to laugh at us
For ending up in tears yet again
Your heart was too soft and couldn't contain
The loss and sadness in this world
And maybe this world was just too much
For your golden heart, and so it stopped.

But the story wasn't supposed to go like this..

You would joke for me to find you a new wife
Won't you joke once more?
You would call to see if we were okay.
Won't you call once more?
You would ask us to come and visit you
Won't you ask us to visit once more?
And though we shall certainly be together in another place
This pain is something for now that we have to face.
You would fill the gap our dad left
Who will fill the gap you leave us today.

You weren't supposed to go like this

Mamoo

Kaisa hai nizam ye dunya ka
Koi marrta hai toh koi jeeta hai
Koi rohta hai toh koi hansta hai
Koi koh ta hai aur koi paa ta hai
Kisi ke khushi main kisi ka gham
Kisi ke gham main kisi ki Khushi
Hum mehfil main khul khul ke hanstay Hain
Par akeley hum cheekh cheekh ke rohtay Hain
Unhe kya pata humare dillon ke gham
Jab keh nahi patay ke kitne dukhi Hain hum
Jaane waale challey gaye
Aur humari chamakh ley gaye
Humare gharon ko abaad karne walay
Aaj wohi ghar veeran kar gaye
Humare Zindagi main roshni laane walay
Andhera he andhera kar gaye

🥀 Miss you mamoo

And when she laughs, The whole room lights up
Her eyes glisten, As her lips stretch from her cheeks

But you laugh so loud
It's embarrassing
People are looking
It's not very ladylike

And as she reenacts scenes from her favourite love film, lost in the romance like the hopeless romantic she is, she spins and skips like it were real.

You're so foolish
Childlike
It's so indecent and immodest
To behave how you do

When she sees her best friend after years and can't contain her excitement and runs ahead, forgetting what she was doing, to hug her friend

You're so selfish
You only care about yourself
You just ran off and don't care about anyone else
You act crazy when you see people

When she eats her favourite burger without a care in the world and looks so cute as she drops ketchup down her chin

You're so messy
And so clumsy
You've dropped it all down you

When she watches her favourite love film and cries like it's the first time she's watching it, she looks adorable

Why are you crying
It's only a movie
It's not real
You're stupid

Angel

My Angel.

Who would've thought that small frame
Could carry the weight of the world
And maybe others have faced the same
Trials and tribulations that you have

But I've not witnessed another with your grace
With your immense courage to carry on
Despite all the pain you've had to face
And yet I never hear you complain

Though you're not one for many words
Your sheer presence illuminates a room
And like the singing of the morning birds
You bring joy to the hearts of many

Your love is sincere and unreserved
For each person that will ever meet you
You are certainly more than we deserve
You are selfless and give without question

You faced the worst test as a mother
And buried four of your infant children
Yet your faith does not ever waver
And you hold firm on to the rope of Allah

And when you were left widowed
You vowed to be strong for the children left
And upon those children you have bestowed
Love, mercy, kindness and respect

Altough you are getting older and weak
You have a disabled son at home
Who doesn't hear nor speak
And you dedicate your life to him

And though we try, I know it's not enough
We could never ever repay
Even a fraction of what you do for us
You are the ocean and we are droplets

You are the blossoming tree
While we are the falling leaves
I wish you could just see
How special you really are

Our conversations alway end with ameen
After you make endless dua for everyone
That you've ever met and seen
Because you care so much about others

And I'm honoured to be able to call you mine
My mother
My mother
My mother

lost

And for a split second, I am lost
Lost in the ocean of your soul
Immersed in it's gentle movement 

Discovering the treasures hidden
An unheard language
In which, I long to be fluent.

It is when our eyes lock
Reality escapes me 
Time is still, in that very moment.

Yet, when the world around stops
A world within blossoms 
And there is nothing more potent.

For I am drawn to you
Captured by the joy and the pain
Enchanted by your existence.

And when your glance mirrors mine
I feel it pierce through my core
And I elude into distance.

For the heart that was sat at the window of your soul
Had once before been broken 

Loves Notes

Give me a moment and allow me to guide your hand
Rip open my chest and grasp your fingers around my heart
Tell me, can you feel your whole body tremble
When my heart beats within your palm?
No body has been so close or heard it so loudly.
Truthfully, it's usually pretty quiet,
But, when you smile.
It's your smile that compels it to charge into battle
And slay through its own walls to simply scream
"I love him"
Allow me to empty my vessels into your soul
As my blood pours you'll feel your burdens lighten
Not an atoms worth of you will remain untouched
I'll destroy every darkness and force your intuition to come alive.
Feel our souls unite and our hearts beat so harmoniously
As though fused together to form one soul, one heartbeat and one powerful love.

A man's world.

It took 23 years for me to realise I'm a social construction of a man's world.

Although, I once loved me, that love was lost as a young girl.

I grew up watching Disney, manipulated to believe I need to find my prince.

So I've been searching for my happily ever after, ever since.

As if I needed to be saved by a strong man to be complete,

But I'm a woman and we have the strength with which no man can ever compete.

The same hidden messages were in my bed time story books,

Deluded into believing that my self-worth was dependent on my looks.

When I loved the one that could never love me back

I became envious of others and made a list of "everything I lack".

It came down to an hour glass figure with a slim waist,

A submissive personality, luscious hair and a pretty face

I thought the conscious were just hating on the industry

Until it's underlying patriarchy really affected me.

I'm God's highest form of creation

And they're telling me that I need a man's appreciation?

Find me a man that could carry a baby inside him for 9 months

Or that could bear the burden of the world and still love the way a woman does

My father told me to study and get an education

But I'd come home from school and switch on the television, and now I see it in the next generation

Our daughters are being led to believe they are inferior to men

Our roles might be different but that doesn't mean we ain't equal to them.

So don't conform to the norms that allow needy women to form

My sisters, you were destined for amazing things, the very day you were born.

I will love myself.

I'm going to make falling in love a priority
But not with a man that'll make me insecure
I'm going fall in love with myself
Before I fall in love with the world.

I'm going to value my own voice
I promise to trust my own decision
"I don't think you've made the right choice"
I'll learn to not be swayed by criticism

I refuse to let your disloyalty define me
When things went wrong, I wondered what I lacked
"It's because I'm not pretty or skinny"
And its within this insecurity, that I was trapped.

I don't know why or since when
My self worth became dependent on your acceptance
Every time I was betrayed or rejected
I believed it was down to my incompetence.

I forgot about my own attributes and potential
I wanted to be someone else so desperately
An evil was embedding in my heart
That evil was known as envy.

Other people's lives appeared to be so perfect
And they had everything I didn't
I didn't think I was being ungrateful
I was a product of my worldly experience.

Now, I know it won't be easy and it'll take some time
But no one says that love grows over night
So I'm going to learn to love me truly
I'll love my imperfections and i'll do it right

So if you don't love me, that's okay
Because I will love myself
Starting from today.

Soul mates.

There was a sound that you heard, when no one else could.
And in my speech, it was the silences that only you understood.

There were verses in my eyes that only you were able to read,
And with every deep look it was my soul that you would feed.

There was a magic in your touch that would heal every pain
A familiar comfort that kept me sane.

There was precision when you spoke, as if you knew what I was thinking
I laid my heart bare, you knew every little thing.

There was a memory in your scent that made me believe
That this wasn't a coincidence and we were meant to be.

So I dared to dream.
Of you.
Of us.
Of tomorrow.

Synchronised were our souls, made for one another
Every heartbeat yearned for my lover.

Caged behind our bodies, our souls could not meet.
Before it's time, yours had to fleet.

Truly your name was written with mine, in eternal ink
But it's a shame our footsteps weren't so in sync.

My heart lost its fine-tuned couplet
And any new beat wouldn't quite fit.

And why would it? Because it was always you from the start
Yet, our destinations were far apart.

Our connection wasn't meant for this world, our love was heavenly.
So I continue to dream
Of you.
Of us.
Of tomorrow.
Eternally.

Dreams are from the subconscious mind.

So, why do I awake with a pain in my chest.

It's the memories of you translated through dreams

& the pain was the only thing you left.

I can't differentiate between the happiness of having you

& the pain of losing you.

So when they ask how I feel,

I say it's a sensation of nothingness,

An emptiness,

A lifeless soul,

A lost faith,

A broken heart.

I feel betrayed by fate, both yours and mine.

I feel punished by time.

meh

Maybe I wasn't enough,
Or maybe I was just too much.
Even if I knew, I couldn't be any less
Or any more,
Than a girl that loved, sacrificed,
Cared and adored.
I can only be myself,
And that self
Loved you so selflessly.

Maybe my fingers just didn't fit
The gaps between yours
Maybe my head just didn't rest
On your chest so perfectly
I'll never know because I only dreamt.
Maybe it was my fault alone,
For dreaming an impossible dream.
Maybe it was my fault for believing
In an impossible love.

Heartache

If you were stabbed in your arm, you would feel the pain.
If you were shot in the leg, you would feel the pain.
When any part of your body is hurt, you feel the pain.
So when my heart aches for you,
Surely you feel my pain.
Your arm nor leg have your name on it,
But you still know they are yours.
My heart has your name all over it,
So why don't you recognise it as yours.
Like a child you helped to conceive
You cannot deny it, its right
Just as the heart you taught to love
Please don't deny it its right
It doesn't wish to be anyone else's but yours
Like a flower bud that needs water to blossom
My heart needs your love to stay alive
I'm not saying I'll die without you
But without you, my heart will turn as cold as night

Words that you understand despite the absence of sound
Unspoken words you may say
But words unsaid do not mean emotions unexpressed
Surely you heard it in the rhymic movement of my heart valves
Or read it through my eyes which looked at you with longing
I longed so much to speak the unspoken
but fear of the inevitable held me back every moment
Could you not hear it in every pause in a sentence
As if I said something without saying anything
Did u not see my smile everytime you would smile
Or feel my pain everytime you were in pain
Did you not feel the connection of our souls the way that I did
How could your soul touch mine without you being aware of it
You say you never knew
But before speaking
I had already spoken volumes to you

Searching for love

He met this girl, who seemed to have it all – caring, loving and pretty

They soon started dating; and things began to develop fairly quickly

Although he always searched for love, this just hit him by surprise

They spent hours talking and went for long walks outside

He’d kiss his girlfriend goodbye before they would depart every night

And when his mother would kiss him he’d move away in a flight

Strange how that the love he had searched for in a stranger

Would never compare to the love of his mother

But he’d still push her away and she’d continue to care for him

love him, forgive him and wish the best for him

He’d come home late at night and like usual his mother would be up waiting

Her spirit would lift and her face would brighten the moment she’d hear him entering

He and his girlfriend would go out to the cinema and for nice meals

He’d hand his mother a bit of cash “here mum, use this to the pay the bills”

As if she bore him in her womb those 9 months for a bit of money

She never asked for anything, but at times this widow longed for her sons company

You’d often hear him speaking to his girlfriend, with a gentle tone

But shouting and swearing at his mother was something to which he was prone

From the moment he was born she would do anything to protect him

For his happiness she’d be willing to sacrifice her own limbs

And there he was, trying to get away from her at any opportunity

He thought his girlfriend was beautiful but failed to see his mother’s beauty

Beautiful is maternal love that it is forever-eternal

But how very sad is the Childs love for his mother that it is somewhat conditional

Like usual, he came home late one night and found his mother on the sofa sleeping

“Mum go to bed” but she didn’t wake, so he nudged her but realised she wasn’t breathing

Pale faced, still-bodied laying there the same way she’d spent her last moments, alone.

She died that night whilst waiting for her son to come home

Strange is human nature that we take our blessings for granted

And only when it’s gone we realise all the wrong that we did

Whilst searching for love he forgot about his mother

Now, he spends his days searching for the love from his mother..

Because Of You.

I feel as though over the years my heart has changed shape.

Chipping away at my heart, my arteries and veins

have carved your name; it may sound insane

But why else would my heart favour you

over any other, so it must be true.

I refuse to believe I am in love

Indeed I am in deep attachment to you

I tell myself to get a grip and move on

From this childhood crush

But then I feel my blood rush

In a rage, defiantly

As if you have a control over me internally

At least I have my mind, right?

That you cannot control

I tell myself that anyway, because

You already have a hold on my soul

So I'll be the commander of my thoughts

And I’ll think about whatever I want

But I can't focus I can't sieve through my mind

Because my heart is too loud

I can’t focus when it is the only sound

My heart screams your name throughout my body

Distorting the functions of my organs

And they begin to chant along too

So I give in to the internal screams for a moment

And reminisce back to the days of innocence

To the conception of this sensuality

Back to when you were first introduced to me

As if with a simple hello

You planted a seed in my heart

Which grew with time and

Beckoned my soul towards you

To this point, where I am weak
Because of you.

Marriage

Like every other girl, I used to dream too

Of getting married

To my knight in shining armour

Arriving in our horse and carriage

But knights are only in fairytales

With happy ever afters

And those sort of endings don’t exist

Unless it’s in the hereafter

So I pray for a companion

A person that will be my best friend

Who believes in the creator

And knows that this world will surely end

Money, fast cars and big houses

These things dont mean anything to me

The reality of this world is temporal

And it’s only in religion that we’ll find stability

So he doesn’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer

I’d much rather he be a shepherd

Like our beloved Muhammad Mustafa

And love for the sake of Allah

Someone whos heart is beautiful

He will help complete half my deen

Someone who is loving and humble

Together we’ll strive for the life of the unseen

We’ll share a hunger for knowledge

He doesn’t have to be a graduate with a degree

Together we’ll indulge in worship

And build a relationship based on piety

Not an ounce of arrogance or pride

Every word gentle off his tongue

He’ll respect and honour the old

And be patient with the young

Showing kindness to others

Helping the needy and giving to charity

Praying salah and fasting in ramadhan

Will be his passion not only his duty

I don’t hope for perfection

I do not dream of a prince charming you see

Nor of a knight in shining armour

But rather someone with the same goal as me

A Thief that steals youth

And beauty taking it from you

unknowingly

Replacing it with wisdom

A professional that can

Make the rich poor

And give it all

To another

A healer that can

Mend broken ties

And heart ache

A friend that shows

What is true

And what is fake.

Time.

Death

Every day is a blessing

And after a good day I’m happy

But afraid for tomorrow

Because tomorrow may bring misery

I’m afraid of death

Afraid of losing a family member or a friend

So I cherish every breath

And every moment with them I spend

It keeps me up at night as I lie in bed

It’s always on my mind

So I don’t plan too far ahead

I hope for a future, a good life

I hope to have kids and be somones wife

I hope my mum gets to see it

Coz my dad had to leave

I’m afraid of not being ready for death

When its ready for me

Will my sins be heavy and my grave so tight

Or will my grave be illuminated with light

I’m afraid of waking up to bad news

And hearing about some else I had to lose

Will I remember their voice and their laughter

Will I see them again in the hereafter

I’m afraid of not reaching 30

If I die now, I wonder who will remember me

Tomorrows not promised to anyone

Doesn’t matter if your 91 or 21

I’m afraid of death

I’m afraid of this being my last breath